Funny One Liners
The Diary of a First Grade Teacher

Funny one liners pop out of the mouths of first graders all day, every day! And while some of them DO know how to tease, for the most part, they are serious and sincere in every word they say.

What's Happening?

Today, the class was lining up in the hallway to go to the cafeteria whenever the overhead lights flickered.

“WHOA … what's happening?” Ben asked, nervously. “Did the lights blink, or did my eyes turn off?”

Pulling Teeth

Yesterday, Ben pulled a tooth in class, so today he was surprised whenever he pulled another one ...

His eyes grew large, and his mouth flew open. He stared at his hand in disbelief. “Look, here, Teacher! Pretty soon, I’m gunna be BALD TOOF!”

A Good Recommendation

At recess, I told Amy - who’s a dog lover - that I’m looking for a dog.

“I want one,” I said, “but I’m not sure which kind.”

“Oh, I know!" she squealed, "Get a Golden 'treever. She’s a GOOD dog!”

She clapped her little hands. “Oh, and here’s the bestest part … Everybody says she won’t pee in the house ‘til you get home!”

Be Quiet!

Infopublishing

I went to check on Gena today ...

“Gena,” I said, “sit up and let me see you. Are you feeling okay?”

She was annoyed. “I’m TRYING to take a nap!

"A nap?" I asked, surprised at her behavior. "Are you sick?"

"No," she said, "I'm just ready for my nap."

“Oh, but remember, this is first grade. We don’t take naps in here.”

“I KNOW,” she said, sighing heavily and glaring up at the intercom system on the wall.

We can’t do ANYTHING in here 'cause that BOX up there won't BE QUIET! It keeps on blabbing and blabbing all day long!”

Another Funny One Liner

Ema tiptoed to where I was seated and whispered, “Teacher, my stomach hurts, and it’s MAD.”

“Mad?” I asked, making sure I had understood her correctly.

“Yes,” she said, “it’s growling at me, like this." Then, leaning close to my ear, she stunned me by roaring, “GRRRRRR!”

She Lost Something Important

Gena is so dry, but practically everything she says comes out funny, even though she doesn't intend this.

At the end of recess, she wobbled into the classroom rubbing her little head.

"Teacher," she moaned, "I hit my head so hard, I ... I can't find my eeemagination."

I Got This!

Little Weesie dragged her backpack down the hall behind her.

"Here, let me help you," I said, reaching down.

"No, I can do it all by myself," she insisted.

"See?" She waved a hand to me. "I got me this EXTRA hand ... It's for 'case I ever need it!"

* * *

lolololol ~ My firsties kill me with their original funny one liners!



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