Funny True StoriesThese funny true stories are taken from my journal, The Diary of a First Grade Teacher. Need to know something? Ask a first grader. They know everything!
Today, I was on hall duty next to the boys’ bathroom. And my principal was introducing me to our new superintendent of schools, Dr. Syson. Suddenly Martin - one of my first graders - ran out of the bathroom shouting. “Teacher, come quick. You ain’t gonna believe this!” I couldn't tell if the news was going to be good or bad. But I wasn't going into the boys' bathroom. “Hurry!" he yelled, dancing up and down. "Somebody pooed on the pee-mode.”
Another funny true story and this one's for the preachers... Stevie ran to me pointing across the classroom. “That girl, Amy… She tried to throw up on me! But I scooted my chair back fastest. And she missed!” “Amy,” I said, rushing over to her. I took her arm and helped her step to a clean place to sit. I looked at my assistant. “Please take her to the nurse. And will you call her mother?” Amy wrinkled her little nose. “No, my momma’s at work. Call my daddy.” “Okay,” my assistant said. “Where’s your daddy? Is he at work?” “No,” she whispered, hugging herself. “My daddy don’t work … he’s a preacher!”
Some of my funny true stories aren't so funny for some of the kids... But like me, I know you can appreciate where the first graders are coming from... I found Joe Joe’s report card crumpled on the classroom floor. So I knew I had to have “a talk” with him… “See this? What happened?” I asked him. His Reading grade which was a U --for Unsatisfactory-- had been rubbed out. Now only a large ugly hole remained in that spot. He sank in the chair beside me, the picture of utter despair. I tapped an impatient finger on the report card. “Oh, that,” he muttered. “That’s… that’s where I forgot and spit.”
Tommy is tall and lanky and refuses to sit up correctly in his seat for very long. Often, he tries to sleep in class. Today –as always-- I tried to keep him focused on the Reading Vocabulary lesson. For a review of what I had just taught I said... “Tommy, what does the word, discussion, mean?" Slowly, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Well, around my house, it means my old man’s gonna whoop ya.” I asked him why he called his dad “old man.” “That ain’t nothing,” he replied. “Everybody does it.” “Everybody?” I said. “So it’s all right for me to call him that, too?” He arched his brows and blinked rapidly. “Well, but he ain’t your old man.” I said, “Now, Tommy, does your dad really allow you to call him that?” “Sure,” he said. Then his back stiffened. “But not when he’s around!”
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